[Fauna listens. And she can feel a pit forming in her stomach, her guts twisting up inside.
She knew this answer was coming. Of course she did- She could tell from the start how much Taiga and Ryoko love each other.]
It's- It's okay. I could kind of... I could tell, so...
[She won't cry. She can't. She can't hurt Ryoko worse. She can't let herself cry- She can't let Ryoko see those tears forming at her eyes, she can't be weak, she can't-
But she can't stop it. She told Taiga she wasn't just going to back off- She's selfish, she wants to be with Ryoko. But hearing it like this in front of her.... It's like a knife into her heart. She knows how important they both are to each other... and that they loved each other long before Fauna entered the picture. How cruel would it be to force herself in between them now?
She needs to back off. She needs to be mature, to back off, to leave Ryoko so Taiga can be where she belongs. She was never really the one Ryoko wanted. She knows that. The past month has been like a dream, where Fauna was finally permitted to love and be loved... but dreams come to an end, don't they?
She turns away, trying to hide her tears. It's time to end the dream. It's time to put things right- to not cause problems for anyone else. She's strong. She's always been alone. She can handle it. She has to.]
It's okay. You- You should... be with her instead....
[ Even with that admission, finally able to come out... she was expecting for Fauna to be mad. To believe she was lying to her this whole time. She was expecting the worst.
...and somehow... she wanted to step out of the way? ]
[Fauna stops. She doesn't turn around- She can't bring herself to look. If she does, she might break down. And she can't break down. She has to keep going- She can't make things harder for Ryoko.]
What do you mean...?
[Hope blooms in her heart, but she tries to quash it down. She knows- Nothing is more dangerous than hope.]
[ Life wasn't that simple. Ryoko had thought, she'd never see Taiga again. Her last memories were thinking of her as someone irreplaceable, someone she'd grown too close to. Before she arrived, and she had time to think, she kept thinking. It was the same kind of love that she felt before her wish.
Even when realizing that was wrong-- she'd never see her again. And now that she's back, she just thinks. ]
It wouldn't be fair. Not to either of you.
[ Ryoko can feel her voice quiver, terrified that she's ruining another relationship. She's ruining her own now. ]
I don't want her to feel like she's in the way, and... and I...
[ Shaking, just a bit-- ]
I don't... want either of you to feel replaced... or like you're replacing someone else.
[ She's louder than she'd like, her stress and frustration finally catching up to her. It wasn't on Fauna, it was the long line that she put herself through, the emotional burdens she decided to accept on her shoulders... and at the end, was the one she shared first and foremost. ]
I'm with you because I want to be! It's not a question of what I'd rather do!
Please, for the love of god, please accept that I'm at fault here!
Please... [ Her voice gets quiet. ] Please, Yayoi... I don't want to be selfish. I'm not going to leave you like this. It'd hurt Aisaka-san too, if she split us up.
[She jumps. She hadn't expected Ryoko of all people to be loud. Ryoko, of all people...
... Was she hurting her even now? When she tried to help?
Of course she was. What she needed to do now wasn't back off... it was to listen, and trust Ryoko.]
I...
[She wavers.]
I... want to be selfish. I want to hold onto you and never let go, I'm- I want to be with you, but... I'm scared of not being good enough, and...
[It all comes out at once. She can't stop her mouth. All her feelings, all her thoughts, all her fears.]
I want to be selfish and stay with you, even if it means Taiga can't, and I'm scared of my own selfishness that way...
But I can't accept... you being at fault. You've only ever tried to do everything you can for other people! It's not... it's not right that you're hurting over that...
[ Ryoko covers her face momentarily, trying to recompose herself. It has been a wildly taxing 24 hours, and she wants to burrow away for a while.
But she can't just hide away... ]
I don't... I don't know what you two spoke about, but... I don't think Aisaka-san sees me that way. We're friends, but I don't think she's ever really... I don't think she's seen me beyond anything like that.
Even right now, I don't know if I really know what that "love" is. If it's something I felt because I missed her... or if it's because she reminds me so much of my friend from home.
I can't choose to be with her, because if I'm wrong, it'll crush her. And I can't do that to her.
[ Well. She's been at this part all day, but. It's not a bad problem to have. She steps forward to lightly kiss Fauna on the forehead, wrapping her arms around her. ]
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She knew this answer was coming. Of course she did- She could tell from the start how much Taiga and Ryoko love each other.]
It's- It's okay. I could kind of... I could tell, so...
[She won't cry. She can't. She can't hurt Ryoko worse. She can't let herself cry- She can't let Ryoko see those tears forming at her eyes, she can't be weak, she can't-
But she can't stop it. She told Taiga she wasn't just going to back off- She's selfish, she wants to be with Ryoko. But hearing it like this in front of her.... It's like a knife into her heart. She knows how important they both are to each other... and that they loved each other long before Fauna entered the picture. How cruel would it be to force herself in between them now?
She needs to back off. She needs to be mature, to back off, to leave Ryoko so Taiga can be where she belongs. She was never really the one Ryoko wanted. She knows that. The past month has been like a dream, where Fauna was finally permitted to love and be loved... but dreams come to an end, don't they?
She turns away, trying to hide her tears. It's time to end the dream. It's time to put things right- to not cause problems for anyone else. She's strong. She's always been alone. She can handle it. She has to.]
It's okay. You- You should... be with her instead....
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[ Even with that admission, finally able to come out... she was expecting for Fauna to be mad. To believe she was lying to her this whole time. She was expecting the worst.
...and somehow... she wanted to step out of the way? ]
Fauna--
[ Ryoko hesitates, but takes a step forward. ]
I don't-- it won't be like that. It can't be.
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[Fauna stops. She doesn't turn around- She can't bring herself to look. If she does, she might break down. And she can't break down. She has to keep going- She can't make things harder for Ryoko.]
What do you mean...?
[Hope blooms in her heart, but she tries to quash it down. She knows- Nothing is more dangerous than hope.]
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Even when realizing that was wrong-- she'd never see her again. And now that she's back, she just thinks. ]
It wouldn't be fair. Not to either of you.
[ Ryoko can feel her voice quiver, terrified that she's ruining another relationship. She's ruining her own now. ]
I don't want her to feel like she's in the way, and... and I...
[ Shaking, just a bit-- ]
I don't... want either of you to feel replaced... or like you're replacing someone else.
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[Fauna's voice shakes. She's scared. What if she's messing everything up again? What if she's messing everything up just by being there?
She'd been told before What a mistake it was that she was ever even born. What if that was right...?]
Then what... should we do? I don't want... to force you to stay with me if you would rather... be with her, and...
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[ She's louder than she'd like, her stress and frustration finally catching up to her. It wasn't on Fauna, it was the long line that she put herself through, the emotional burdens she decided to accept on her shoulders... and at the end, was the one she shared first and foremost. ]
I'm with you because I want to be! It's not a question of what I'd rather do!
Please, for the love of god, please accept that I'm at fault here!
Please... [ Her voice gets quiet. ] Please, Yayoi... I don't want to be selfish. I'm not going to leave you like this. It'd hurt Aisaka-san too, if she split us up.
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... Was she hurting her even now? When she tried to help?
Of course she was. What she needed to do now wasn't back off... it was to listen, and trust Ryoko.]
I...
[She wavers.]
I... want to be selfish. I want to hold onto you and never let go, I'm- I want to be with you, but... I'm scared of not being good enough, and...
[It all comes out at once. She can't stop her mouth. All her feelings, all her thoughts, all her fears.]
I want to be selfish and stay with you, even if it means Taiga can't, and I'm scared of my own selfishness that way...
But I can't accept... you being at fault. You've only ever tried to do everything you can for other people! It's not... it's not right that you're hurting over that...
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But she can't just hide away... ]
I don't... I don't know what you two spoke about, but... I don't think Aisaka-san sees me that way. We're friends, but I don't think she's ever really... I don't think she's seen me beyond anything like that.
Even right now, I don't know if I really know what that "love" is. If it's something I felt because I missed her... or if it's because she reminds me so much of my friend from home.
I can't choose to be with her, because if I'm wrong, it'll crush her. And I can't do that to her.
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.... right? It is, right? Suddenly, she second-guesses herself. Maybe... Did she just jump to conclusions?]
I don't know either, but...
Ugh, why is this so confusing?!
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...just... all we can do is take it one step at a time. Aisaka-san doesn't want to be left out, but I know she doesn't want to get in the way either.
Don't worry. I'm here with you right now, and I know in my heart, I still want to be with you. So... don't think that I'll let you go either, okay?
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Thank you... I'm sorry I pushed Taiga like this, too, and... Thank you.
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I'm sure you had good intentions. It's fine.
[ A brief pause... ]
Walk with you back to the cafe, if you'd like.
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...
If you want, we can ride on your bike there? Take a scenic route, if you want.
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... It's okay. I can make it home on my own. Thanks, though.
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[ She says, giving her one more hug and a light peck on the cheek. ]
Get some sleep, alright? I'll talk to you in the morning. [ Miss, Still Doesn't Realize How Nocturnal Her Girlfriend Is over here, ]
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[She returns the hug and peck... she isn't sure how to do this Physical Affection thing well, but she's trying.]
I'll try. But you too, okay? You sleep, too.