I don't know what's going on... but instead of lashing out like I do, you turn it all inward. But you still hurt people that way.
It's like... you call yourself an idiot, so you don't have to think about what you say and do... or something like that.
[She furrows her brows. It's hard to put it into words. She doesn't know what's going on. But she can tell something is wrong here.]
When you get that hard on yourself.... It doesn't make anyone happy. And I know we've all told you this over and over, but you still do it, just repeating your cycle, just like I was.
[Yuuto freezes. A lot of interactions with people suddenly make a lot more sense. The way they glare at him for insulting himself or scold his apologies…
He casts his gaze away.]
I do think about it. I think about it all of the time. But every time I try to fix it, it gets worse.
[It’s a struggle, but he looks up at her apologetically. He’s not sure what to say.]
[He looks down at her hand on his arm. Yuuto doesn’t want to tell anyone else about the fight with Inaba. It’s between the two of them and he wants to fix things, not give up. Inaba said she needed space to think, not for him to leave forever.
But Fauna probably understands his position better than most people.]
… It was always just me. For a really long time, before Dimitri… Was it a hundred years? I don’t remember.
But it was just me. I could only live in a world for two weeks at a time. No one knew me deeply, no one could care about me… No one could talk to me if I was sad. So it was easier to just… internalize it, mm. It’s not like I had any other option. I- couldn’t leave a mark on any world. Even a sad one.
[She just listens, quietly. A hundred years... Her mind boggles trying to even consider it. It's hard to not think of the boy in front of her as not being her age, maybe a little older... but he really has lived so much longer, it defies comprehension.
... If it defies comprehension, then don't bother trying to comprehend it. Yuuto is a peer. A friend. Age or whatever doesn't matter.]
... I'm not arrogant enough to think I can understand that. That much time... That sounds like hell. You handle it better than I would, probably.
But here and now, people care about you. If you're sad, you can talk to me. If you're upset, you can tell people. You have as much of a right to share your feelings as anyone else.
[Yuuto really desperately doesn’t want to cry anymore. Any time that he does, he imagines Inaba being alone right now and how helpless he is to help her. But Fauna is right. Her logic is so straight-forward and correct, in a way that his tired soul can’t understand.
His eyes are watery again. Yuuto hears little sniffles and whimpers sneaking through his defenses. He feels his arm trembling in her grip.]
When this is all over, I’ll go back to living that way. I’m not going to have anyone to help me… I’m so scared. I’m changing, Fauna… I can’t live that way anymore. I’d rather die.
[She can't figure out what the right thing to say here is. Wouldn't it be irresponsible to give him hope if she doesn't know she can deliver? She has no idea what to do... and in the first place, is it even possible? Yuuto's been suffering like this for so long, is it impossible to truly help...?
"What good is a hero if they can't do the impossible?"
... Yeah. She was right, wasn't she?
Fauna pulls Yuuto forward, shifting her grip on him into a hug.]
I'm not smart. I can't figure out anything on my own. But I know that there's so many people here, from so many different worlds, with so many weird powers and abilities and knowledge...
We'll be able to fix your powers. You won't have to live that way anymore.
[Yuuto remembers doing this to Fauna too. So long ago, when he was still thinking that his life was temporary. It was easier to be strong back then, because he didn’t have to acknowledge these messy feelings. Getting close to so many people has really messed that up.
He clings back and cries.]
Help me..! I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want any of this anymore, Fauna!
[She holds him. Close, firmly, letting him know with her presence- She's not going to run away. She's not going to leave him. She's here.
What can she do? There's only one thing she can think of. One way she can help.
The three seeds in her pouch have never seemed to weigh so much. Is this really a good idea...? Is this just falling back on old habits? But... she told Ryoko, it wasn't that she hated the Goddess entirely. Maybe... maybe, just maybe, the Seeds' power really could help.
As she sees Yuuto before her, in the very pits of despair, all she can think is how this is exactly the occasion she was meant to use these seeds for... but now, she can redefine that. What is her power for? What can she use the Goddess' power for?
Cards on the table, Fauna. It's time to call your bets.]
[Sorry, Fauna. But Yuuto has been awake all night and hopping around to his friends all morning. Crying against Fauna sucks at first, but it gradually gets easier. His heart and eyes both feel like they’ve melted into tear stains.
But honestly? It seems like he could use this. And, well.... While she's strong enough to hold Yuuto up like this, the problem with moving him is that he's got almost ten inches on her.
Which means she's going to reach into her pocket and pull out her Starnet phone and call Akutagawa. Sure, he's only upstairs, but it's probably better than yelling into a sleeping person's ears.
Akutagawa's probably tall enough to help carry Yuuto to a bed.]
[ He. Hasn't slept. He was just in his room writing and working intermittently since Yuuto left. He has a hard enough time sleeping without what happened last night, so that had positively destroyed his will to sleep. He's surprised to get a message from Fauna, but he hurries downstairs regardless since if she was asking for help it must be important.
he was not expecting to see Yuuto slumped in her arms. His eye twitches, not out of irritation at her or Yuuto, but at the situation that led to this occurrence. He doesn't seem surprised though, notably. ]
... How much did he tell you?
[ He doesn't want to spill more than Yuuto was comfortable with. Regardless he gathers his lover into his arms and relieves her from holding him upright. ]
Given the situation they might be expecting people to poke around asking things... I can let them know you're coming... They should be willing to at least answer questions if it means helping Yuuto.
[ He's going to be vague just in case. This was a delicate situation, and... he got the sense she didn't know everything. He didn't even know everything, if he was honest. ]
If you need help let me know. If you find out the rest of the story then... try to keep it quiet. I think he wants as little repercussions to come from this as possible.
[ A flash of indignation and offence crosses his expression, fire in his eyes that dared her to question his love like that openly again. She knows him and he knows her. If it were just them he might have let his emotions run, but with Yuuto in his arms he wouldn't be able to spar with her. So instead he levels her with a piercing look. ]
I love him more than I have words to express. Never doubt my feelings.
I'm not doubting. Please believe that. It's the opposite- If this is going to work, it's going to need that level of intensity.
... One more: Are you willing to take a gamble for him? If it doesn't work, neither of you are going to get off lightly. But if it does, it might... It might be a solution for his curse.
[ A gamble? He huffs, settling down marginally. She didn't seem to be questioning him like he thought, but... ]
That's no different than what we were already planning with our upcoming pact. I'm willing as I always have been, but we'd have to ask him as well, once he's... recovered from all of this.
[ He adjusts his hold on Yuuto as he considers what she's said so far and tilts his head. ]
What did you have in mind. You've never brought this up before.
[She runs a hand through her hair, trying to put her thoughts into words.]
I haven't brought it up because I haven't been able to pin everything together quite yet. My basic idea is sound, I know, I just need to work a bunch of people together, but...
Ugh, it's got a lot of fiddly parts that's hard to explain. But I think if we use basically every tool we've got at our disposal, including the Kami... we might be able to make you a sort of an 'anchor' for Yuuto.
[ If it meant saving Yuuto from that pain he would do just about anything, so he nods curtly. He's heard Yuuto say more than once that he'd rather die than face that loneliness... and if they fix that problem, then things resolve for Dimitri as well. ]
As I said He'll have to okay it as well. If you're going to explain things to Satou and Shugo you'll want to specify that it's a hypothetical at this point since he hasn't agreed to it. We'd want to make sure it's even viable...
I know my theory is sound. But I also don't know if it will work as well as it should. So I'm going to talk to Shugo and Satou- If nothing else, Shugo should be able to figure out what else we'd need to make it work.
... I don't want to get Yuuto's hopes up until I talk to them, anyway.
Understood... If you need more information from me, you know where to find me... and once you have more of an idea of what's needed, I want to know what your plan is as well.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's like... you call yourself an idiot, so you don't have to think about what you say and do... or something like that.
[She furrows her brows. It's hard to put it into words. She doesn't know what's going on. But she can tell something is wrong here.]
When you get that hard on yourself.... It doesn't make anyone happy. And I know we've all told you this over and over, but you still do it, just repeating your cycle, just like I was.
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He casts his gaze away.]
I do think about it. I think about it all of the time. But every time I try to fix it, it gets worse.
[It’s a struggle, but he looks up at her apologetically. He’s not sure what to say.]
… Yeah. We sound alike, huh?
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[She sighs... but still isn't letting go of him.]
Sorry. You came here to do something nice, and I started lecturing you...
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[He looks down at her hand on his arm. Yuuto doesn’t want to tell anyone else about the fight with Inaba. It’s between the two of them and he wants to fix things, not give up. Inaba said she needed space to think, not for him to leave forever.
But Fauna probably understands his position better than most people.]
… It was always just me. For a really long time, before Dimitri… Was it a hundred years? I don’t remember.
But it was just me. I could only live in a world for two weeks at a time. No one knew me deeply, no one could care about me… No one could talk to me if I was sad. So it was easier to just… internalize it, mm. It’s not like I had any other option. I- couldn’t leave a mark on any world. Even a sad one.
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... If it defies comprehension, then don't bother trying to comprehend it. Yuuto is a peer. A friend. Age or whatever doesn't matter.]
... I'm not arrogant enough to think I can understand that. That much time... That sounds like hell. You handle it better than I would, probably.
But here and now, people care about you. If you're sad, you can talk to me. If you're upset, you can tell people. You have as much of a right to share your feelings as anyone else.
cw suicidal ideation
His eyes are watery again. Yuuto hears little sniffles and whimpers sneaking through his defenses. He feels his arm trembling in her grip.]
When this is all over, I’ll go back to living that way. I’m not going to have anyone to help me… I’m so scared. I’m changing, Fauna… I can’t live that way anymore. I’d rather die.
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"What good is a hero if they can't do the impossible?"
... Yeah. She was right, wasn't she?
Fauna pulls Yuuto forward, shifting her grip on him into a hug.]
I'm not smart. I can't figure out anything on my own. But I know that there's so many people here, from so many different worlds, with so many weird powers and abilities and knowledge...
We'll be able to fix your powers. You won't have to live that way anymore.
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He clings back and cries.]
Help me..! I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want any of this anymore, Fauna!
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What can she do? There's only one thing she can think of. One way she can help.
The three seeds in her pouch have never seemed to weigh so much. Is this really a good idea...? Is this just falling back on old habits? But... she told Ryoko, it wasn't that she hated the Goddess entirely. Maybe... maybe, just maybe, the Seeds' power really could help.
As she sees Yuuto before her, in the very pits of despair, all she can think is how this is exactly the occasion she was meant to use these seeds for... but now, she can redefine that. What is her power for? What can she use the Goddess' power for?
Cards on the table, Fauna. It's time to call your bets.]
Yuuto.... I have an idea.
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But it feels good to cry.
And Yuuto slumps against her, fast asleep.]
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But honestly? It seems like he could use this. And, well.... While she's strong enough to hold Yuuto up like this, the problem with moving him is that he's got almost ten inches on her.
Which means she's going to reach into her pocket and pull out her Starnet phone and call Akutagawa. Sure, he's only upstairs, but it's probably better than yelling into a sleeping person's ears.
Akutagawa's probably tall enough to help carry Yuuto to a bed.]
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he was not expecting to see Yuuto slumped in her arms. His eye twitches, not out of irritation at her or Yuuto, but at the situation that led to this occurrence. He doesn't seem surprised though, notably. ]
... How much did he tell you?
[ He doesn't want to spill more than Yuuto was comfortable with. Regardless he gathers his lover into his arms and relieves her from holding him upright. ]
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... Enough that I think I have some work to do. I've never worked on problems this big before, but I think I've got some leads I can chase.
[She doesn't know the minor details... but she got the big picture, at least.]
The biggest problem is going to be hoping Satou and Shugo don't chase me out on sight.
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[ He's going to be vague just in case. This was a delicate situation, and... he got the sense she didn't know everything. He didn't even know everything, if he was honest. ]
If you need help let me know. If you find out the rest of the story then... try to keep it quiet. I think he wants as little repercussions to come from this as possible.
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But... Before I go.
[She pauses. Wheels and gears are turning in her head as she tries to chart a path of logic to her destination.]
This is important. Do you love Yuuto?
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I love him more than I have words to express. Never doubt my feelings.
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I'm not doubting. Please believe that. It's the opposite- If this is going to work, it's going to need that level of intensity.
... One more: Are you willing to take a gamble for him? If it doesn't work, neither of you are going to get off lightly. But if it does, it might... It might be a solution for his curse.
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That's no different than what we were already planning with our upcoming pact. I'm willing as I always have been, but we'd have to ask him as well, once he's... recovered from all of this.
[ He adjusts his hold on Yuuto as he considers what she's said so far and tilts his head. ]
What did you have in mind. You've never brought this up before.
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I haven't brought it up because I haven't been able to pin everything together quite yet. My basic idea is sound, I know, I just need to work a bunch of people together, but...
Ugh, it's got a lot of fiddly parts that's hard to explain. But I think if we use basically every tool we've got at our disposal, including the Kami... we might be able to make you a sort of an 'anchor' for Yuuto.
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As I said He'll have to okay it as well. If you're going to explain things to Satou and Shugo you'll want to specify that it's a hypothetical at this point since he hasn't agreed to it. We'd want to make sure it's even viable...
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[She takes a deep breath. Steady. Explain it.]
I know my theory is sound. But I also don't know if it will work as well as it should. So I'm going to talk to Shugo and Satou- If nothing else, Shugo should be able to figure out what else we'd need to make it work.
... I don't want to get Yuuto's hopes up until I talk to them, anyway.
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Understood... If you need more information from me, you know where to find me... and once you have more of an idea of what's needed, I want to know what your plan is as well.
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