[At that, Yuuto starts laughing. And even if there is a sob mixed in, it's a genuine sound.]
You go and get massages there and stuff! Though this one is for hot water soaks and relaxing your body... I think Asakura-chan needs someone to help her slow down.
[Too late. Now that he's started laughing, Yuuto can't stop. He keeps giggling, even after settling down.]
Mmhmm. Just... feeling silly for getting you a gift you don't even know. I'm kind of an idiot after all. I still think you'll have fun. You deserve a break too!
[And Yuuto goes completely silent. Unable to process what she said, not for a few seconds at least, and feeling… something. There’s a feeling in his chest and he can’t describe it.]
[For a minute, Fauna second-guesses what she's about to say and do.
... but she's never been one to second-guess herself. All she knows how to do is barrel forward. Even if her cheeks turn a little red, as she tries to move on.]
... You know, you're doing the exact same thing you were getting on me for, right?
I don't know what's going on... but instead of lashing out like I do, you turn it all inward. But you still hurt people that way.
It's like... you call yourself an idiot, so you don't have to think about what you say and do... or something like that.
[She furrows her brows. It's hard to put it into words. She doesn't know what's going on. But she can tell something is wrong here.]
When you get that hard on yourself.... It doesn't make anyone happy. And I know we've all told you this over and over, but you still do it, just repeating your cycle, just like I was.
[Yuuto freezes. A lot of interactions with people suddenly make a lot more sense. The way they glare at him for insulting himself or scold his apologies…
He casts his gaze away.]
I do think about it. I think about it all of the time. But every time I try to fix it, it gets worse.
[It’s a struggle, but he looks up at her apologetically. He’s not sure what to say.]
[He looks down at her hand on his arm. Yuuto doesn’t want to tell anyone else about the fight with Inaba. It’s between the two of them and he wants to fix things, not give up. Inaba said she needed space to think, not for him to leave forever.
But Fauna probably understands his position better than most people.]
… It was always just me. For a really long time, before Dimitri… Was it a hundred years? I don’t remember.
But it was just me. I could only live in a world for two weeks at a time. No one knew me deeply, no one could care about me… No one could talk to me if I was sad. So it was easier to just… internalize it, mm. It’s not like I had any other option. I- couldn’t leave a mark on any world. Even a sad one.
[She just listens, quietly. A hundred years... Her mind boggles trying to even consider it. It's hard to not think of the boy in front of her as not being her age, maybe a little older... but he really has lived so much longer, it defies comprehension.
... If it defies comprehension, then don't bother trying to comprehend it. Yuuto is a peer. A friend. Age or whatever doesn't matter.]
... I'm not arrogant enough to think I can understand that. That much time... That sounds like hell. You handle it better than I would, probably.
But here and now, people care about you. If you're sad, you can talk to me. If you're upset, you can tell people. You have as much of a right to share your feelings as anyone else.
[Yuuto really desperately doesn’t want to cry anymore. Any time that he does, he imagines Inaba being alone right now and how helpless he is to help her. But Fauna is right. Her logic is so straight-forward and correct, in a way that his tired soul can’t understand.
His eyes are watery again. Yuuto hears little sniffles and whimpers sneaking through his defenses. He feels his arm trembling in her grip.]
When this is all over, I’ll go back to living that way. I’m not going to have anyone to help me… I’m so scared. I’m changing, Fauna… I can’t live that way anymore. I’d rather die.
[She can't figure out what the right thing to say here is. Wouldn't it be irresponsible to give him hope if she doesn't know she can deliver? She has no idea what to do... and in the first place, is it even possible? Yuuto's been suffering like this for so long, is it impossible to truly help...?
"What good is a hero if they can't do the impossible?"
... Yeah. She was right, wasn't she?
Fauna pulls Yuuto forward, shifting her grip on him into a hug.]
I'm not smart. I can't figure out anything on my own. But I know that there's so many people here, from so many different worlds, with so many weird powers and abilities and knowledge...
We'll be able to fix your powers. You won't have to live that way anymore.
[Yuuto remembers doing this to Fauna too. So long ago, when he was still thinking that his life was temporary. It was easier to be strong back then, because he didn’t have to acknowledge these messy feelings. Getting close to so many people has really messed that up.
He clings back and cries.]
Help me..! I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want any of this anymore, Fauna!
[She holds him. Close, firmly, letting him know with her presence- She's not going to run away. She's not going to leave him. She's here.
What can she do? There's only one thing she can think of. One way she can help.
The three seeds in her pouch have never seemed to weigh so much. Is this really a good idea...? Is this just falling back on old habits? But... she told Ryoko, it wasn't that she hated the Goddess entirely. Maybe... maybe, just maybe, the Seeds' power really could help.
As she sees Yuuto before her, in the very pits of despair, all she can think is how this is exactly the occasion she was meant to use these seeds for... but now, she can redefine that. What is her power for? What can she use the Goddess' power for?
Cards on the table, Fauna. It's time to call your bets.]
[Sorry, Fauna. But Yuuto has been awake all night and hopping around to his friends all morning. Crying against Fauna sucks at first, but it gradually gets easier. His heart and eyes both feel like they’ve melted into tear stains.
But honestly? It seems like he could use this. And, well.... While she's strong enough to hold Yuuto up like this, the problem with moving him is that he's got almost ten inches on her.
Which means she's going to reach into her pocket and pull out her Starnet phone and call Akutagawa. Sure, he's only upstairs, but it's probably better than yelling into a sleeping person's ears.
Akutagawa's probably tall enough to help carry Yuuto to a bed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Or maybe she's confused about something else.]
What's a spa?
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You go and get massages there and stuff! Though this one is for hot water soaks and relaxing your body... I think Asakura-chan needs someone to help her slow down.
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-- Hold on a minute. Yuuto, are you okay?
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Mmhmm. Just... feeling silly for getting you a gift you don't even know. I'm kind of an idiot after all. I still think you'll have fun. You deserve a break too!
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[She stares for a minute.]
When you start calling yourself an idiot, it means something's really upset you.
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I’m sorry. I’ll watch my mouth… Asakura-chan is rubbing off on you, huh, Fauna-chan? You didn’t notice that before.
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She reaches out to grab Yuuto by the arm.]
You're the one who rubbed off on me, you know.
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Fauna-chan… I-I- But… Huh?
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[She's going somewhere with this.]
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[Is she still mad about that….]
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I’m still really proud of you, by the way.
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... but she's never been one to second-guess herself. All she knows how to do is barrel forward. Even if her cheeks turn a little red, as she tries to move on.]
... You know, you're doing the exact same thing you were getting on me for, right?
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]
What do you mean? I’m… [His belt curls around his leg as Yuuto subconsciously makes himself smaller.]
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It's like... you call yourself an idiot, so you don't have to think about what you say and do... or something like that.
[She furrows her brows. It's hard to put it into words. She doesn't know what's going on. But she can tell something is wrong here.]
When you get that hard on yourself.... It doesn't make anyone happy. And I know we've all told you this over and over, but you still do it, just repeating your cycle, just like I was.
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He casts his gaze away.]
I do think about it. I think about it all of the time. But every time I try to fix it, it gets worse.
[It’s a struggle, but he looks up at her apologetically. He’s not sure what to say.]
… Yeah. We sound alike, huh?
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[She sighs... but still isn't letting go of him.]
Sorry. You came here to do something nice, and I started lecturing you...
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[He looks down at her hand on his arm. Yuuto doesn’t want to tell anyone else about the fight with Inaba. It’s between the two of them and he wants to fix things, not give up. Inaba said she needed space to think, not for him to leave forever.
But Fauna probably understands his position better than most people.]
… It was always just me. For a really long time, before Dimitri… Was it a hundred years? I don’t remember.
But it was just me. I could only live in a world for two weeks at a time. No one knew me deeply, no one could care about me… No one could talk to me if I was sad. So it was easier to just… internalize it, mm. It’s not like I had any other option. I- couldn’t leave a mark on any world. Even a sad one.
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... If it defies comprehension, then don't bother trying to comprehend it. Yuuto is a peer. A friend. Age or whatever doesn't matter.]
... I'm not arrogant enough to think I can understand that. That much time... That sounds like hell. You handle it better than I would, probably.
But here and now, people care about you. If you're sad, you can talk to me. If you're upset, you can tell people. You have as much of a right to share your feelings as anyone else.
cw suicidal ideation
His eyes are watery again. Yuuto hears little sniffles and whimpers sneaking through his defenses. He feels his arm trembling in her grip.]
When this is all over, I’ll go back to living that way. I’m not going to have anyone to help me… I’m so scared. I’m changing, Fauna… I can’t live that way anymore. I’d rather die.
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"What good is a hero if they can't do the impossible?"
... Yeah. She was right, wasn't she?
Fauna pulls Yuuto forward, shifting her grip on him into a hug.]
I'm not smart. I can't figure out anything on my own. But I know that there's so many people here, from so many different worlds, with so many weird powers and abilities and knowledge...
We'll be able to fix your powers. You won't have to live that way anymore.
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He clings back and cries.]
Help me..! I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want any of this anymore, Fauna!
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What can she do? There's only one thing she can think of. One way she can help.
The three seeds in her pouch have never seemed to weigh so much. Is this really a good idea...? Is this just falling back on old habits? But... she told Ryoko, it wasn't that she hated the Goddess entirely. Maybe... maybe, just maybe, the Seeds' power really could help.
As she sees Yuuto before her, in the very pits of despair, all she can think is how this is exactly the occasion she was meant to use these seeds for... but now, she can redefine that. What is her power for? What can she use the Goddess' power for?
Cards on the table, Fauna. It's time to call your bets.]
Yuuto.... I have an idea.
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But it feels good to cry.
And Yuuto slumps against her, fast asleep.]
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But honestly? It seems like he could use this. And, well.... While she's strong enough to hold Yuuto up like this, the problem with moving him is that he's got almost ten inches on her.
Which means she's going to reach into her pocket and pull out her Starnet phone and call Akutagawa. Sure, he's only upstairs, but it's probably better than yelling into a sleeping person's ears.
Akutagawa's probably tall enough to help carry Yuuto to a bed.]
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